The Legend of Tarzan

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“A CGI masterpiece.”
—Tori Elliott

Other, less sarcastic, thoughts:

  • Margot Robbie was wonderful in her role as Jane, the Damsel in Distress who refuses to act like a Damsel in Distress.
  • I’m not sure when Samuel L. Jackson became a comic relief actor, but I’m glad he was cast in this movie as such. The film’s few laugh out loud moments were at the hands of his George Washington Williams.
  • Christoph Waltz should only play villains from now on. He’s just so great at portraying soft-spoken, charming, heinous reprobates.
  • Any script that calls for Alexander Skarsgård to remove his shirt is a-okay by me.

I’m glad this reboot focussed more on Tarzan’s return to the jungle rather than rehashing his origin story for the umpteenth time (though the story does reflect on his upbringing through several CGI-heavy flashbacks). And I did ultimately enjoy myself as Mr. Skarsgård ran through the jungle and fought off all manner of man and (CGI) beast. But, I’m fairly certain that somewhere in the annals of literature, radio, film, television and stage history for this character, there lies much better fodder than the “bad-guy-enslaves-African-natives-and-steals-hero’s-wife-to-incite-hero’s-rage-and-ensure-hero’s-capture-and-ultimate-escape” plot for The Legend of Tarzan.

The Hateful Eight

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What I love about Tarantino is that, despite his love for gratuitous blood and gore and overtly racist—and this time misogynistic—dialogue, he’s a subversive genius. It’s like he’s going around violently flipping tables (ALL THE REVENGE) in order to reveal the larger issue hidden underneath (slavery in Django Unchained is the most obvious example), but his style of filmmaking is so loud and in-your-face the the issue uncovered by the table flipping goes largely unnoticed until long after the carnage has been dealt with.
If you can stomach hearing the cartilage break in Daisy’s nose, projectile blood-vomit, and watching a head (and a few other body parts) explode, I recommend you sit through The Hateful Eight to learn a thing or two.

Avengers: Age of Ultron

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Man, I love Marvel movies. They’re just so exciting and action-packed and fraught with emotional turmoil. I was disappointed in the ending, but that’s not to say that this movie wasn’t fantastic. And Ultron’s rendition of “I got no strings” from Pinocchio was perfectly terrifying. I cannot wait for Civil War (or for Black Widow’s movie, whenever that happens).

Barely Lethal

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A movie about a rogue teenage secret agent who runs away from her super covert assassin school to attend regular high school, starring Samuel L. Jackson, Jessica Alba, that chick who plays Sansa Stark, and Louis Litt’s scary fiancée Sheila sounds awesome, right? Too bad it wasn’t. Watch ONLY if you enjoyed Prom.